What a fucking basic title.

But its accurate. Ive been drowning in emotional pain all day. Probably for several days. My gods, i had a review at work today and they dont realize how poorly im functioning. It’s amazing.

I stay at the edge of tears. I hate crying so i don’t. Butbits miserable because i dont want to be dead inside again. Ive done that. No fun to try to come back from.

So im drinking. This isnt healthy. Ive had almost a bottle of wine on my own. I know people worry. I get it. But the people worrying havent lost almost everyone. They havent had to watch multiple people slowly die. They havent been where i am.

I know it’s not ok. But i know the alternative is messier. I know it won’t end well for anyone no matter what i do. So i do what i have to to keep functioning.

I think about how sad the ehole situation is. I try to figure out what i feel and why. I try to separate them all but i cant. Its all goddamned ridiculous.

One day,;im going to lose my mindm. I hope the mental health system is ready for that or it will be awful.

3 thoughts on “Pain”

  1. I know that I probably havent gone through the same things as you, but I do know what that feels like. I just wrote for 30 minutes in a private journal on here about my depression and self loathing and etc. Its not fun and its might not be okay to other people. But if I was able to down a few Mikes Hard Lemonades right about now than maybe I would feel better.
    All I can say is that there are people who are there for you and there are people who can help you through this time. Ive been without a job for 3 months and Im not even scraping by. My boyfriend is paying for everything right now and we dont even live together yet. Im a part time college student and im struggling to make ends meet. But he pushes me because he knows that the grass is greener on the other side.
    Im sure I havent been of much help to you, but I want you to know that youre not alone and that God has a plan (if you dont believe thats alright too) for you and everything happens and either works out or doesnt work out for a reason. Just keep pushing and youll see the outcome one way or another!!

  2. Hi whoever you are. I want you to know that bad times don’t last. Everything is seen in a negative light, a constant cloud over your head when you’re feeling down. I read an article on mental health at work. I think you should ask for time or speak to someone about it at work if you are comfortable enough. I don’t have employees of my own but when I eventually do I will let them know it’s okay if they need time off for emotional health just like physical. But this isn’t about me. Don’t feel like you’ll make things worse whatever you decide to do. I agree with the person above (or below) wherever they appear after I post this. It’s crazy how we feel more comfortable on sites that we can hide our identity to express how we feel inside because honestly I’ve had to come on here to get myself out of the emotional downing I was doing to myself. My mind is a constant cycle, your not alone but you have it in you to be happy because you’ve been happy before. Whatever you do to get by to make you feel better only brings out that side of you that makes you feel strong. But you’ve been strong all along with or without the drinking. I just talk and hope anything I am saying reaches somewhere in you and helps you because we all need support at one point not everyone has it together. Not one person has it all together, focus on your strengths because someone lacks what you are able to do effortlessly.

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