What a fucking basic title.
But its accurate. Ive been drowning in emotional pain all day. Probably for several days. My gods, i had a review at work today and they dont realize how poorly im functioning. It’s amazing.
I stay at the edge of tears. I hate crying so i don’t. Butbits miserable because i dont want to be dead inside again. Ive done that. No fun to try to come back from.
So im drinking. This isnt healthy. Ive had almost a bottle of wine on my own. I know people worry. I get it. But the people worrying havent lost almost everyone. They havent had to watch multiple people slowly die. They havent been where i am.
I know it’s not ok. But i know the alternative is messier. I know it won’t end well for anyone no matter what i do. So i do what i have to to keep functioning.
I think about how sad the ehole situation is. I try to figure out what i feel and why. I try to separate them all but i cant. Its all goddamned ridiculous.
One day,;im going to lose my mindm. I hope the mental health system is ready for that or it will be awful.