“THE SAME OLD FRENEMY”

I can never really get rid of you,
can I?
No matter what I do
or how I should often lie
while trying hard not to cry
 
You’ve always been there
You still are
Sometimes I’m scared
because you’re never really that far
always ready to leave another scar
 
Sometimes you’re the mentor
a challenge to keep me going
Other times, you’re just the terror
like Dementor
pushing me down to go sinking
drowning,
until there’s no more chance
for me to surface and win
 
Why are you doing this to me again?
Telling me I’m not good enough
and that I’m such a pain
kidding myself that I’m always tough
only to please every one that I love
 
You make me want to break the mirror
after our every unpleasant conversation
For too damn long, you’ve been my horror
that I have no heart to tell them
a part of me might have always been a monster
 
Now you look like one
and don’t ask me to embrace your feelings
Please, just be gone
Leave me alone
 
Your smile is still condescending
every time you speak before we part:
 
“Fine,
 but we’ll still see each other again.
 Meanwhile,
 keep pretending.”
 
#BreakTheStigma
 
R.
 
(Jakarta, 27/7/2017 – 7:15 am)

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