59. Making New Goals.

Shot day, was a failure. Some how managed to hit a vein and I bled everywhere. Resulting  huge purple black bruise on the side of my thigh, that absolute kills when I even think about it.

It’s been some time since I have had two days off in a row. With everything going on, I wasn’t really sure how I was going to handle it without my mind eating me alive. Most of my time was spent unpacking, I spent a lot of time with my sister,  along with my nephews. I even snuck in some time with some friends. It has been really nice, and just busy enough to get things done, sort my thoughts, and enjoy life a little.

I thought about her lot today. Things have been great, I just want to share them with her. The more time passes, the more I miss her, the more pathetic I feel. I keep trying to let her go and accept she has moved on and doesn’t feel the way I do, I just cant. I’m in utter denial that what we had wasn’t real,  that what I felt was just my imagination. The more that sinks in, the less I believe in love. The less I want to even find it. I’m becoming comfortable with the thought of it just being my self and the pups. Something about it makes me feel comfortable, secure, and free. I have let go the thought of marriage, with children. It just doesn’t seem desirably anymore. I really want to focus on my certification, my business, and the process of buying a house, and all I have to do to pursue that. 



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