Just strolling into the house. After work, for the third night in a row, I picked up my sister and took her to all her cleaning locations. Since her car is in the shop, I feel bad she can’t get back and forth to work. Once we were done, we sat, drank, and bullshitted with some of her friends. Humans, I suppose their company is nice every once in a while. Ha.Once I left my sisters I met up with some friends in Lakewood. Some old and some new, seeing as I didn’t drink much I became the DD. This resulted in me driving to Middlefield. The country. Once we got their we B.s’d watched a little of The Cleveland Show, smoked, and I left. I was slightly irritated it was so far away, how ever, the drive home made it worth it.
we’ll say…..about half way through the drive along 422, I pulled over, I parked my car, I turned 99.5 up, and I sat on my trunk next to the…river. The moon sitting there with the light of the sun just beginning to break the horizon. To top it off, I saw a shooting star. I wished for….her. A wish I know will never come true, but how could I not, on such a beautiful morning….I couldn’t help but smile, spin in a circle and laugh, literally out loud. I laughed so hard, I smiled….so big, once I noticed, I surprised my self. I was alone, on the side of the road, laughing like someone just told the funniest joke, but it was just…..me. ha…ha…I smile now….to think at the moment, I was utterly happy for no other reason then the moon and stars in the sky, the fact for the rest of my drive home, the sun would be rising.
–Janine’s old beside you radio on Pandora is….perfection–
Something within me has changed. Not today, maybe a day or two ago, I’m not sure when, but I realized it..when I smiled…a genuine smile. I didn’t force it. My life is chaos, but… I’m progressing.
She crossed my mind a lot today, I believe a direct result of my dream. It’s been a while I had a dream souly, about us. Last night was one of those nights, it was so real, I woke up half expecting her to have her face buried in my chest, and her arm around my waste. When I opened my eyes, I was greeted by Lola’s tail in my face, my beanie half covering my face, and no covers. Reality was a cannon to the heart. I sat there for minute, just thinking what she doing…playing with the tots outside, just thinking if shes thinking of me too…no….shes thinking of him…even then I half grinned. He can never love her the way I do, he can never have the connection we had, but if he makes her happy….
What else can I ask for? I no longer….don’t….may be never did…make her happy…. I wish there was a way for me to plug in an aux cord into my heart, then into hers, maybe then she’d understand..maybe then she’d know….our rhythms beat as one….
One hour of sleep before the busy day starts, beginning with taking the nephews to school… My nephews just may be worse then I am in the morning with no coffee….hahaha.