All She Wrote & Trip The Darkness

Still lying low and not really interacting with others…except when I need to. When I need to I end up hating myself 1000% more though. All I did at 5pm was rush off to buy cans of tomato sauce for Harry’s pasta. My dad usually is willing to get some shopping for the rest of us from the local convenience store but this time he didn’t want to go and there was no pasta sauce…my parents were arguing about it so I rushed off and bought a pack of four cans along with a few other things we needed. Don’t want to argue with anyone certainly, I am lying low. But, alas there was a charity lady looking for sponsorships for the super cute Labrador puppies that are trained to become guide dogs. I desperately need to avoid these people so naturally I now sponsor a black Labrador puppy for £2.17 a week until she is fully trained and has been settled with the blind person they will help.

I am awful with these people…living on benefits I shouldn’t sponsor anything or anyone. I recently had to stop giving to two charities recently because when I was reviewing my finances I realised I was giving to three causes a month. Now I am back to giving to two causes. I guess it’s better than three though like before. I give to the RNIB and I sponsor this puppy until she is trained and settled with its new owner. Oh Labrador puppies are the cutest things of all time, my goodness. But since the sponsorship is only until the Labrador is fully trained I’m sure it’ll be ok.

Harry is going to start two sessions a week at the local nursery here in Taffs Well! It’s on the grounds of the local park with the Garth mountain behind it so it’s a lovely location. I do take where I live for granted really, it is rather beautiful, especially with the fairy tale looking castle (Castle Coch) poking out of the hillside…I really want to take Harry there! Met with two of the staff yesterday and they were very nice. Harry had a bit of a play and he went straight for all the vehicles they had there! I filled in the form today, I am taking Harry to his first session on Tuesday. On the form I have put down Tuesdays and Thursdays from 1-4pm. It’ll be so good for Harry, now he’s over the age of two. I am not fun or engaging in any kind of way it’s just not my personality so I have been struggling to keep Harry occupied. Plus having an overactive bladder means I can’t even take him to the local park or out in my garden when it’s just me (which is most of the time) as I can’t leave him every 15 minutes to use the toilet when I’m at my worst. And he is still breastfeeding which means I still can’t receive any treatment or take the meds I need for my overactive bladder. I have two of the most isolating conditions ever; BPD and overactive bladder but I don’t want it to affect my son. Nursery will be perfect. Then he has the play & pray group on Wednesdays, on Mondays I’ll start taking him to this arts & crafts group I’ve been invited to by that member of staff of the soft play I love taking Harry to. He could go to the soft play every Friday. He’ll be with his dad on alternative weekends…he’ll have something to do every day which is good! Feeling really positive about this for Harry.

I am dreading Monday though but I know it’s so important for Harry to try and go. I don’t do socialising, I’m terrible, I just don’t talk. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love my son and it certainly doesn’t mean I want to be alone.

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