Am I the only one?

Am I the only one? I can’t be, right? It sure feels like I am most days. Exhaustion. Pure, real exhaustion.

Trying to do it all. Working full time at a very physically and emotionally demanding job from 9-5, and coming home to my second job, being a mom.

I love being a mom. I love my kids with everything inside my soul. I would do anything for my kids, but where have I gone? I’ve lost myself in the bills, carpooling, cooking, cleaning up behind them, you know, just all of it. I’ve lost myself in making sure they get what they need, but what about what I need?  I mean, everyday is like the next, and by Friday I find myself eagerly awaiting bedtime. Just to sleep and dream of the energy I once had.

I used to be vibrant. I used to love being with people and socializing. I used to be the life of the party, literally. I used to love just living. Now, I wish sometimes to never have to see another human being. My body actually aches most days. Physically aches. It’s not that I don’t want to be “social”. I truly just do not have the energy, and I feel as though no one understands. Am I the only one?

I push myself to the limit until I literally crash. Why? Why do I have to explain that a break is needed? When will I find myself again? So many question with no answers. Is anyone else out there feeling this way? It appears as though everyone is so pulled together, except for me.

I see moms running, and I think if I attempted to run I’d surely die. I see moms at 6pm with full makeup and hair still perfect from the morning, and I look in the mirror and see what most must think is horror. I look like death warmed over. My eyes are heavy and bags full. My skin isn’t glowing. My hair is oily and always in a ponytail or bun, and not one of those cute messy buns. My clothes is sometimes stained with food because I tried to quickly cook something healthy for my family. My toes are not done up from a recent pedicure. I can’t remember the last time I had a pedicure, much less a spa day. Even showering alone is impossible. Am I the only one? 

This is complaining, I know. Who do we have to complain to? We aren’t supposed to complain. Complaining isn’t socially acceptable. So, once again it makes me think. Am I the only one?

This exhaustion is real. I am an intelligent, college graduate and I know I’m not delusional. So, how do we become vibrant again. This is why I wrote these “complaints” in hopes of realizing that I’m not the only one. 

One thought on “Am I the only one?”

  1. Oh, my dear, you are certainly not the only one. The world if full of us. Keep this in mind when you think you see a “perfectly pulled together mom”: – You are your own worst critic. Most people don’t even notice what you perceive as your flaws because they are too worried about their own perceived flaws. We’re all in this mess together – us working mothers. Be kind to yourself. Speak kindly to yourself. Thank yourself for all that you do every single day.

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