Fear of needles?Upcoming doctors appointment.

On the 12th I have an appointment and I’m already aware of what’s in store for me(I think).I’m already almost seventeen and never have had my blood drawn(not since I was a little kid at most). I can’t help but being nervous since I know it will have to be done eventually.

About three years ago was the last time I went to the doctors for a check-up, I’m way overdue for one by now.I can say the worst about going there is probably the finger pricking. They used a piece of something that looked like glass to quickly slice my finger without me even noticing. It could have been a needle attached to thin piece of glass that would hold the blood, now that I’m thinking about it.

I hope they use my index finger and not a pinky finger or something, that would hurt more than needed. I’m not scared of shots at all, though the waiting sometimes makes it worse.I know they do everything fast enough that I don’t feel anything. I did yelp when they did prick my finger, but that was mostly because it was sudden and unexpected, so much for a sneak attack. I’m sort of glad she did that, but I don’t think I will fall for that trick a second time since now I know:/

I’ll be happier at the doctors than I was at the DMV for the last two days, but all the more restless.I’m actually hoping to have my aunt draw my blood since she’s a nurse and that’s what she does ever-day she works, so it seems perfect. She even seemed pretty excited when I found a pretty good vein, in sort of a creepy way. She just finds it interesting I guess, I’m really not sure at this point.

I’m not as nervous as I was at the DMV, probably because if I can get my aunt to do it, I would feel all the more comfortable than around a complete stranger.

Also, this brings up the topic of pap smears, which I don’t really dread. I might even go as soon as possible so I can just get it over with for a few years.I’m not really embarrassed, but I have so much scarring down their because of things that happened when I was younger that it makes me anxious thinking about it.:/

 I just don’t want to jerk from some sudden sharp pain(though I’m sure that wouldn’t happen in something like a pap smear).I just remember what it was like when I first lost my virginity forcefully by someone. It was sort of like being stabbed with a knife. It was sudden and sharp enough to make my body jolt and jump on it’s own(plus I think I was bruised on the inside, if that’s possible, so anything else made me jolt a crap ton since it was a sudden sharp pain that I didn’t expect. 

I’m also afraid I will scare whoever is giving me a pap smear if I suddenly have a melt down, which has happened in some situations.:/

I’m really not sure why I burst into tears, It’s just automatic and it’s sort of freaky to be honest. Related to my past, maybe. I don’t even need anything to upset me for it to happen automatically.

I’m more worried about jerking when I get my blood drawn, like how I do when I get my finger pricked. I don’t want to mess up anything or cause damage that’s not needed.:/

I know I have to get over all my fears and do what I have to regardless of how afraid I am, just wish I had someone to talk to about it I guess.

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