Bubu, my hamster. Spent 431 days of happiness with her.
She was the light of my life. I was lucky to know her from the time I adopted her at 6-8 months to her final day in her 1.5th-2.5th year.
The day BuBu died was indeed the saddest day in my life. I have lost friends, relatives and siblings through death, but I grieved more over this than any human that passed on. The sadness that prevailed was deep from within my soul. My days, weeks, were filled with depression. I felt as if a blue mist surrounded my soul. Even when not thinking of her, I was so sad. It felt as if a part of me was gone, and I was so aware of it, it was with me everywhere at ever minute. Ever since then, something within me changed. I was never really a hamster person to begin with, she was just a pet, until she died, then I realized how much of a friend she was.
Everyday after school i would go home stright, run after a bus, walk really fast with big steps, looking forward to reach home quickly to be with her. But sometimes i neglected her because of school, friends and many other reasons, really wish i coukd spend more time with her, now im having a holiday, i whispered “i had a long vacation, can you please wake up bubu? i can finally spend more time with you.” but, no, she’ll never wake up, she’s gone forever, and there’s nothing i can do to bring her back. Honestly, friendship will never last, everytime my friends asked me out, i’ll leave bubu alone at home and went out with my friends, and now, i really regretted. Got betrayed, backstabbed all this bullshits from my so called “friends”. Everytime i got bullied, or whenever im upset, i’ll rant everything to bubu and afterwards i’ll be alright, at least i have a bestfriend, a true one, aka my cloest kin always be by my side. Keep questioning myself “why would I sacrifice my time for my ‘friends’ rather than spending time with bubu?” Because i ended up got hurt really badly by ALL my friends, I regretted so much not spending enough time with my bubu.
Before the day she died i even made her a diy toy, but she didn’t had the chance to play with it, when i finally decided to spend more time on her than my ‘friends’, she died. Why? Why did god do this to me. Why did god didn’t take me away with her? She didn’t had the chance to say goodbye. The moment i woke up, she died. No matter how hard i talk to her, cry, feed her, she wouldn’t wake up, her eyes are closed, no breathing, no heartbeat. At that moment, i feel like my whole world fell apart, i dont know what to do, literally lost the sense of direction in life. Why did time flies so fast, i really want to spend more time with her.
Until now, still wishing that god could just cause an car accident for me to take me away because i have no guts to kill myself, all i can do to make me feel better, is by cutting. No one cared about me, family? no, i dont have a complete family. Friends? no, i dont have any trues ones, the one that only cared for me, loved me, is bubu. I love her so much than anything in the world. Bubu, you will be miss, i’ll love you forever. No one, nothing, could replace her soecial place in my heart.
Ever since she died, i have never truly smiled, fake a smile and everyone thought i was a happy kid. Also, I didnt reveal everything about me and bubu, some are quite personal.
Bubu, my little angel, how are you doing up there? I miss you so so much, could you come back for awhile? Pls? I wanna hug you so tightly and never let you go. ❤️