I am feeling a little better than I did this morning. I actually cried this morning I was feeling so anxious and overwhelmed. I have worked nonstop all day today- for 12 hours. I worked about 8 or 9 yesterday before I had to start getting ready to meet my friends. Now I have most of my plans for this week figured out, I just have a million copies to make. Once again, I have to waste a planning period meeting with that dumb ass bitch. I really really hate her. She sat in that meeting Friday and told a bald faced lie. She said she tried to look at my computer screen and I wouldn’t let her. What the fuck was that? I wonder if she thought I would just let her lie and not call her out on it. I did call her out, though. I said, “no, I didn’t do that.” She backed down but kind of did it in a way like she was just backing down so not to start an argument with me. Fuck her. She is so stupid. She is in fucking college and should have a ton of shit she needs to do. Clearly she is stupid or she would have just kept her mouth shut and slid by with doing as little as possible. I want to fucking punch her when she stands by my door and shakes the kids’ hands when they come in the room. What am I supposed to do if her fat ass is in my doorway? I can’t fucking stand there, too. I have a date with Sam Wednesday night, and I have another one of Jan’s events on Thursday. I think I will be okay to go to both since I have gotten so much work done this weekend. Next week is a 3 day week, thank gods, so I will only have to plan out 3 days worth of stuff AND, I will have 2 extra days to plan the next week. I don’t know how I will be able to keep this up for 10 months.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."