I am writing from school. It’s 7:44 am and I’m okay with my plans for the day, I think. I had a 2nd date with Sam last night. I drank 2 cocktails, and I feel bad. Ugh. I just cannot drink. I really hate myself for continuing to mess around with alcohol when it does nothing but negative things for me. I feel bad from even 2 drinks. I am not drinking at all tonight at Jan’s event. I guess I want to “look cool” and fit in. It’s so dumb of me. I sound like a teenager. I haven’t exercised since school started and I can tell I’m gaining weight- because not only am I not exercising I am eating terrible. I have got to get myself straightened out. I have been thinking again about moving back to Kentucky and being a foster parent. I don’t know what I want. I want someone to explain all my stuff to that will then tell me what to do based on my situation. I am not able to decide for myself. I need help.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."