Liver and Life.

Dear Cindy,

shit has hit the fan and its become real. Migz needs a liver trnasplant and soon. i thought we had more time. The doctors told us he wouldnt need something like this until the end of the year, maybe, but now hes gotten worse.

Im so fucking scared Cindy.
I feel so helpless.
I dont want to feel anything. And the only way i know how to do that is drinking and i cant even do that, because if there is a chance i can save him with my liver im not going to risk anything coming in the way of that. But yesterday we went for our first appointment with the surgeon, and on the way there i found myself trying to remember every detail of his face, every line that creses when he smiles or frowns, the smell of his perfume mixed in with his clothes. Im going mad because i have to pretend like we are going to be okay, we are all doing this, putting on the happy faces, im even being a mistress still just to distract myself from this reality.

I find that im distancing myself from him just to make things easier if he goes. And honestly Cindy its not a matter of if, its a matter of when.

Life is so unfair, he wants to live and explore so much while all i want to do is die and hes the one whos dying. 

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