Sometimes I really hate being a woman

All I wanted to do was kill some time until I went out tonight.  I usually stream movies on this site and I usually watch horror movies because they’re my favorite.  I watch other types of movies too of course and this time I decided on one called 2:22.  It’s about this guy that keeps seeing these same ominous patterns everyday.  The main actor in there reminded me of Tyler.  Like I said all I wanted to do was kill some time but the movie was actually pretty good and it also made me miss Tyler.  A lot.  I actually have been crying for the past 5 minutes or so.  This is why I stick to my horror movies.  I don’t know if it’s cause I’m on my period but for some reason I just miss Tyler so much.  I miss the way we used to be and I know in my past entries I really have been back and forth with him but today (probably because of that movie) I just really miss him.  Or maybe it’s because I’m on my period and I’m extra hormonal.  We just barely talk anymore and I haven’t seen him in about a month or maybe longer.  I don’t even know if I feel like going out tonight but I know I’ll just sit at home and be depressed if I don’t.  I’m supposed to go out with Anthony.  He’s the dude I NEVER thought I’d hangout with again because he made me cry (also when I was on my period) because he just kept poking fun at me alll damn night long just pushing my buttons.  I swear I never cry this much but when I’m on my period every symptom that comes with it, I get, and I get it in full force.  He recently got back in contact with me and apologized and I let him pick me up and take me out to get some drinks.  That’s the only way I can really stand him is if I have drinks.  It sounds horrible to say but sometimes he is kind of fun to hangout with and the sex isn’t terrible.  I just miss Tyler so much I don’t even know if I’ll be able to have fun at all tonight.  Fuck this period.  Other than all that mess, today has been unproductive.  I’ve had the day off and I finally cleaned my mess of a room.  Work has been alright, I actually feel like I’ve had a lot of days off which is nice.  I kind of have been going out a lot which has been causing some rift between my parents and I.  I haven’t met anyone really new or interesting.  I’m currently driving on a suspended license so every time I get in my car I always have a mini panic attack.  So yeah things have been going great.  :/  That was sarcasm.  I can’t even really go on my hikes anymore because I’m scared to drive that far risking it.  So far for my new hobby.  I really need to start working out again.  I’m gaining stress weight plus I’m bloated from my period so I’m feeling super great about myself if you couldn’t tell.  Ugh I’m just a mess.  I just want one good thing to happen…just one.  Because so far this year has been nothing but crap.  Just loads of crap. 

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