When there isn’t a end is sight and any new beginning would end up with me losing everything I love then what is there left to do, but to go with the motions. What am I even doing then? Just going day by day.. dreading even waking? Can’t I just dream forever? Can’t I have a vacation for a month in a spiritual retreat just meditating all day? I seriously need this.. everything that was going good for me went flying out the window over the summer.
I’m broken or maybe my therapist is right… maybe I’ve just given up.