it’s been nearly a year since I first wrote on this site, just to document the oncoming storm that was a boy I called “Hollister Model” in these online journal entries.
This will be my last post on this website, at least under this screen name. I just wanted to give everyone who has been following me on this not-very-well-updated journey one final update.
Hollister Model turned out to be a not very nice guy, to say the least. I’m not going into details on that, but he really did hurt me and do some immense damage to my self image and my overall view on love. I fell into a deep depression and I could never picture myself being happy again.
But eventually, I moved out of the town where we both had lived in at the time and moved to a town where I had a lot of family support and a lot of opportunities to heal and become a better person. Since moving, I’ve begun taking Guitar and voice lessons, participating in community events like Art Walks and poetry slams. I even had a summer job.
In June or July, I finally confronted Hollister Model via online messages about my feelings. And to say I didn’t hold back was an understatement. It was really hard to do, coming clean about my feelings for him and all the anger and hurt and regret and sadness and resentment I had built up against him over the months. But with the support of a friend, I did it. And even though he definitely tried to fight back, once I got everything off my chest, I just truly didn’t care about him anymore. Trust me, I still think about him sometimes, mostly in a revenge manner, but those moments are few and far between now.
I have a partner now that I’ve been dating for about a month and I couldn’t be happier. I’m in a school that I absolutely love and am starting to find joy in being alive again.
Just a message for any of you guys going through a hard time, whether its better or worse, similar or different then my situation: you CAN and WILL get through this. Trust me. Just keep with it, keep fighting it, keep on keeping on, and things WILL get better. But you can’t just sit back and let things keep kicking you while your down. You have to do some of the dirty wok to make things better for yourself. But it’s worth it.
Thank you all for being so kind and caring and reading my thoughts for the past year, some even kind enough to comment on some entries, giving me advice or sharing wisdom. It means the world to me that there is still a place on the internet dedicated solely to building people up instead of tearing them down.