hoco carnival!

So today I stayed at the homecoming carnival from the end of school to 7:40, which meant I got home at 8:20.

Man, it was pretty cool and fun. I mean, all things considered, it went by pretty quickly. I had some pizza and a Sonic drink beforehand, which was a perk lol. It was blazing hot outside, and really sunny. I got like, six shades tanner. At first I kinda hung out with JS; I missed a group picture with my club and I’m still heartbroken *single tear*. There were clubs doing karaoke, clubs selling flowers, clubs with different games, a Roman gladiator from the Latin club, and clubs selling food/drinks. Oh, and for some reason there was a car that people took turns demolishing until eventually they flipped it over. Lmao. Anyway, JS left around six, and gave me the four extra tickets she had left from the eight she bought (I’ll give her a dollar back tomorrow, since each ticket was $0.25). I had no idea what to buy, and since our club president bought us all drinks again and I didn’t need to buy one of my own, I decided to get a zodiac tattoo from the astronomy club stall. I asked the guy to paint a Virgo sign on my left cheek (in blue, since I asked my friend P), and it turned out really cool. Then I still had two tickets left, and after wandering around with P and JW a bit, I decided to get another Virgo symbol on my right cheek in pink. I asked the girl running the stall, but the guy said he’d do it and the girl got a little disappointed, so I told the girl she could do whatever she liked, and she got really excited. So she did a giant pink heart with blue lines coming out of it, and then didn’t know what to do on my forehead, so the guy randomly said “a shooting star” and then immediately apologized to me, but I said it was fine. So I got a yellow shooting star with three purple “tails” (?) across my forehead, which looked really weird, but I sort of liked it, since it was kind of cool in a way. So that was really fun. Even though the girl said I didn’t have to give her the tickets, I gave them to her anyway, since it was cleaning time and I wouldn’t have been able to spend them anywhere else anyway.

Then we all went to the field and watched 1) the marching band do a sick routine 2) the cheerleaders do a sick routine 3) the Belles (basically a school female gymnastics/dance group) do a sick routine 4) the Homecoming King nominees come out (only three since two were elsewhere) 5) the Homecoming Duchesses come out 6) the sick Chariot Race (which was pretty exciting, since all of the “chariots” except ours were made out of cardboard, and some of them ripped/broke and the people in them fell out but it was still really fun) and 7) the school people pass all of the seniors a torch that later lit a sick fire on the edge of the field. Not necessarily in exactly the right order. We all passed the torch down to the front and then gathered round to watch the sick fire being lit. The school pride I felt in that moment was ridiculous and unnerving–the fire at the bottom suddenly made a “whoosh” and flared up, and we all screamed. Also, we’re the tigers, so the song they were playing, “Eye of the Tiger” was really cheesy but hyped us all up at the same time. It was really weird and empowering. Like–hell YEAH that’s my school and that’s RIGHT we’re LIGHTING A HUGE MOTHERFUCKING FIRE for NO REASON just because we are AWESOME. Like that. It was lit. It’s like a mini version of American patriotism, if that makes sense.

I’m really glad I went; I won’t get to experience anything like it again. Last year of high school, I should do all kinds of dumb shit. Just so I can say I’ve done them.

Today was a good day. It was good that I got to just… kind of forget all of the really dark and angry thoughts that I’ve been having really frequently. I laughed so much today; that’s such a blessing.

It’s so weird that tomorrow is World Gratitude Day. Convenient, isn’t it? I really am grateful that I’m here; I love being in school. It gets so bad–so bad sometimes. It gets so bad I feel like I cannot possibly go on, I can’t do this, I can’t, I can’t. It’s so hard to do anything or feel anything but self-hatred sometimes. But there are so many people who are willing to listen and just be there and maybe just be stupid with me. I didn’t even care if I looked stupid today or anything, it was just really cool being there and having the chance to get my face painted really bright and obvious and ridiculous.

Aww, now I’m crying. Happily.

It’s eleven. I should sleep.

What was really cool was that today was pepperoni pizza day, and I wrote as much on the chalkboard in my physics teacher’s room, and I got to actually have pepperoni pizza. That’s just so cool and coincidental to me. It’s just the little things.

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