Some days i just don’t know

I feel empty once again i feel like nothing matters. Not school, not money, not even life my life is miserable and my mother just said and i quote “Well i’m going to make it more miserable”
And to be quite frank i feel like i’m done living this is not what i want or need i don’t want to breathe and i don’t need anything i just want to die  and just feel nothing and hear nothing and breathe nothing because i am nothing i feel like shit and i don’t even want to grow up to see what i am going to become because all i can see is a sad person sitting alone, feeling alone.
I feel like i’m silently just falling into a hole that i can’t get out of or that i’m not willing to get out of there was a time i was so happy and now i’m not its almost as if I’ve lost myself and been replaced with this . .Monster
I’m using drugs to cope and i’m 13 so ya know only weed and i’m not addicted i just don’t know what to do with weed i’m like happy and feel carefree and i laugh a lot and i feel numb but the good kind
I don’t want to get out of bed i have basically all F’s and its been what one month into the school year i can’t see myself living past the 10th grade and i feel like i’m dying every time i don’t have music and when i’m left alone for too long  i need so many people and no ones here for me. . .is there anyone out there for me. ANYONE.  I need people and their approval and no one is here with me talking to me except this 18 almost 19 year old Pedophile from Africa but all he wants from me are pics/sex and no he claims we are dating but i don’t feel it and i send nudes to guys and dirty talk because i lack so much confidence i need the recognition from other people and guys knowing that they could never even love me because no one could i just want to disappear 
My friend who i Sometimes tell my problems too basically just called me a burden and idk why it hurt but it did i know i’m an awful person and i know i’m going to rot in hell but feeling that way sucks so thanks Xavier for making me feel like even more of a piece of shit. I’m going to die and thats okay. . .no one will miss me

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