We aren’t as bad as what you think.

This is going to be a sensitive matter for most people but this is a real life dilemma most people do not want to talk about. I am 21, when i was 15 i found out i was pregnant, eventually giving birth at the age of 16 to a beautiful healthy baby boy. To understand what i did you first need to know what happened just a year and a half before i fell pregnant but don’t worry i’ll cut it short.

Rewind back 7 years ago to September 4th 2010, I was 14 years old when i found my mother dead on the sofa at 10:17 am, alone and scared i didn’t have a clue what to do so as any other 14 year old girl would do i called an ambulance thinking they could save her but remembering the way her body was i realize i was hours too late. Just a year before that my mother and father had separated, at the time my father was living 257 miles away in Wales, i had no one bar my frail old grandmother to call. Anyway i dealt with my mothers death very brutally, i was self harming badly along with many suicide attempts not to mention the drink and the drugs. I didn’t go to school and when i did i barely knew what the teachers were talking about i was so far behind.

One day a friend introduced me to a guy, little did i know then he would become the father of my baby. Being so broken i clung to him like a koala to a eucalyptus tree. I later found out i was pregnant but being ignorant and young i thought this was my chance to renew myself, make my own little family. After telling him the what i thought was brilliant news he left me. He dumped me like yesterdays news paper.. I was 15 and on the streets as well as being 6 months pregnant i ended up in a hostel for pregnant women. They transferred me to Social Services who the placed me in Supported lodgings. it was going well and my beautiful baby boy was born healthy and happy… I hadn’t realized how hard single motherhood could be.

For a year and 4 months i managed my depression and i broke… I couldn’t handle being a mother, i couldn’t handle not giving him the life he deserved. So i put him up for adoption, i know what every woman out there is going to say… ” How could any woman do that to her child? Just give him up? ” but what people don’t realize is that i did what i thought was best for my child. He needed parents who could give him the world and i knew i couldn’t do that, I couldn’t give him the life he deserved. 

Right now skip forward 5 years. I’m 21 and there is not a day that goes by where i don’t think about him. There is not a single birthday that goes by where i don’t write him a card and stash it away somewhere when in 13 years time i can hand him every single birthday card for every single birthday i have missed so he knows there wasn’t a single say that went by where i didn’t think about about him. Many people portray birth mothers as sometimes heartless or even evil but in fact we are the very opposite. We put our babies needs before ours not many people realize that. Right now i miss him.. i miss his smile.. his laugh but i know he is safe, happy and loved that’s all that matters.

I write this purely to get my story off my chest i needed to tell someone even strangers who have no idea who i am… So please if you want to pass judgement do so but let me ask you one thing… What would you have done if you were in my shoes? 

3 thoughts on “We aren’t as bad as what you think.”

  1. Wow so inspiring. Really changed my perspective on adoption and single mothers. That must’ve been very tough to deal with. I don’t know what i would’ve done if i lost my mother at that age. I’m glad that you did what was best for your son. Sometimes the loving thing to do is give your child to someone who can take better care of him. Very brave and loving of you to do that.

  2. I think that what you did is a very beautiful, selfless thing. You were young and you at least tried to take care of him. I hope he ended up in a loving, caring family. I couldn’t even imagine myself being a parent at that age. To be honest, I don’t know if I would of even had the courage to at least try being one. I would of probably went for an abortion. That said, I congrats you for what you did as it wasn’t an easy decision. I also hope that writing your story helps you feel better.

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