120, Monday morning distractions

It’s a typical Monday. The morning went well with the kids.  And H.  I left the house at 7:30.  I didn’t make my lunch today.  For some reason that takes so much time.  And do it the night before? No – I’m usually too tired to do that. So I have to go out and get some lunch today. H wanted sex.  He always wants sex lately.  His libido has changed so much over the past 20 years.  Well I would say that is true for both of us.  Mine is so typically cyclical. For him I believe it is all the weight loss and improved fitness that is contributing to his heightened sex drive. This morning I could have been swayed to stay for a roll in the hay.  But work got in the way. And I live in fear of being fired these days. So off I drove.  It’s a beautiful day here.  It is going to be unusually hot again for late September. It’s not out of the realm of possibility to see our first snowflakes this time of year.  A few of my favorite songs played on my drive in.  The sun is shining.  All the ingredients that make me smile. And here I sit at my desk. It was relatively quiet when I walked in. I was ready to dive in to my work. Then other people started to arrive. The noise level increased around me. The distractions became overwhelming. And I froze.  As usual. So I write.  I talk with co-workers.  I write. I work – when I am forced to.  Just did one task. I started a list of tasks with a column for “start” and “complete”. I’ll try this visual aid to see if it helps with my ADD.  Had a dream that my niece was out on the west coast doing very well.  She struggles with alcohol. She will finish her degree in December and wants to head to the west coast after.  She will find a job – I have no doubt about that. I hope my dream is true and she finds happiness as well out there.  My brother – I feel guilty for not calling him for such a long time. He’s a good person. He misses our sister. As we all do.  I think he felt a closeness to her that he and I don’t have. I think I feel guilty because I want to fill in that hole in his life. Though I know I can’t.  Only he can do that. I am sleepy. My eyes are fluttering and I am feeling heavy. An email from a higher up just snapped me back. I don’t like that. My fear of authority. Irrational. We are all just people. He’s no better than me. Keyboards are clicking all around me. Lulling me to sleep. I’m back. I reached out to my favorite distraction. No response there. But I will keep checking – like a moth to a flame. So after going to lunch with some co-workers, I came back to the office and played on my phone for far too long. Then got snapped back to reality by someone needing something. On the positive side I have started and completed 6 tasks today.  I’m feeling the tension in my neck that I haven’t felt in a while.  Ugh. This is going to be a busy week. S’s birthday is Friday. Going to have a bunch of boys over for a sleepover. Godhelpme.  Our house is sure to be a lively place on Friday night.

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