I am at school. I am so unhappy. I loved my little girls (for the most part) that I worked with last year. I don’t know what I should do. My job is too stressful for what it is. I am working too hard to keep up. I have to stop thinking about the past and mistakes that I have made. I have to. I have to look ahead only. I am thinking about crawling back into my 1984 scenario where move back to Kentucky and go to church every Sunday and Wednesday and pretend I have drank the Koolaid. Just quietly exist there. I will make the decision that if I get a job offer from one of those schools I applied to, I will move back and go. Until I have a job offer, I will keep plugging away here. That will be my plan. Yes, that will be my plan. Moving back will let me have Noah and John in my life daily and I will be paying into my retirement. I will get my tenure back in a year, and I can just keep plugging away at teaching every year. I only need 7 years to retire, but I am going to keep working until I am at least 60. I am going to take my stuff home from my current school a little at a time until I have everything out the cabinets and then I will work on the other stuff. I have a feeling I may get a call from the job at Winburn.
It’s 11:11. I thought I might get an email from someone in FCPS, but nothing. My thinking about getting a job now is that there has to be less inventory to choose from, so that has to be in my favor. I interviewed at Winburn the year I got the job at the hell hole, but I think I didn’t get it because I think they had a teacher that was already there end up staying, so I don’t think they actually hired anyone that wasn’t already there. My morning went well today. The 2 afternoon classes are always tough. I am nervous about being here in general. I will keep working here if I don’t have another job. I am not going to quit without another job. I could start looking into doing other things, though. I was thinking about things like working for the Yankees- what a dream job that would be, or the UN- also, very cool, or the Mayor’s office. There are lots of things I would be interested in- I miss Noah so much. I miss John, too. I could bring John here, but that doesn’t solve the problem with Noah. Right now, I just need to bide my time. Just plan my lessons and come to work every day. Next week I have that trip to Florida and we are off the following Monday, so it will be a 4 day week. After that, it’s straight 5 day weeks until Thanksgiving. Ugh. I need to find out how many kids I have to have show up for tutoring for me to get paid. I don’t want to stay for no money. 10 is what I think it is. That’s ridiculous- too many. 4 or 5 would be a good number to have that you could actually get some things done. I would like to make that money, though. I will think about what I can do at the open house night to make sure I have kids here every day.