Drowning in my own thoughts

In my life I’ve gone through some shit. It should have put me in a mental home. But I refused to let it tear me down. I’ve bottled everything up though, and its just… just destroying me. I can’t go long being happy. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I live in the past too often and push those I love away. I don’t mean to but I do. 

I shouldn’t feel like this. I have a beautiful daughter she’s my world my everything! I have a boyfriend whom I love very much and he loves me. He loves my daughter like she’s his own. I cry every night most nights for my daughter. Her dad refuses to see her. How am i going to explain it to her when she’s older her dad didn’t want to see her and or doesn’t want to see her???? How could you walk away from something so precious and beautiful? How can you act like she doesn’t exist? It breaks my heart every day.

Lately I’m so emotional. I can’t stop crying. I can look at something and have it remind me of something and ill break down into tears. Today just going through my daughters clothes she outgrew a dress that the only time she wore it was to who would have been my the love of my life if things were different. It hurts so bad. 

I feel like I’m breaking and like I’m going to have a mental breakdown. The only thing stopping me is my daughter she really is my rock. If i didnt have her i would be dead. I have thought about killing myself so many times but she keeps me going. 



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