Day 10

I AM TIRED. I love my mom, but I’m glad she’s leaving tomorrow morning. It’s been exhausting and difficult to stick to my program while she’s been here.  I’ve had a great time, but I’ve been drinking a lot, and not getting enough sleep, work is stressful, and all I want to do is get a big bag of chips and eat them until I  hate myself.  This kind of thinking just amazes me, why would my brain tell me, demand me, to do something I know will make me unhappy? Why can’t I just crave more coffee, or a nap, or just not need to constantly crave something? I missed my meeting yesterday, I had family plans, but I wish I could have gone, instead I found myself mindlessly munching on apps at a restaurant.  I’m feeling behind at work and tired, so I did walk this morning, but barely attempted yoga and meditation. I started to read the Big Book, but I’m to the personal stories section and it’s very hard to relate to.  Drinking isn’t really my problem and I recognized my shortcomings before having serious life consequences.  I feel like saying I will have an abstinent day will be a lie, I want to have the willpower, but I am afraid I don’t have it in me.  I commit to an abstinent morning, and I will evaluate the rest of the day as it comes.  One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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