76. Good Days, and Bad Days

Past few day recap:

Monday was my 3 year anniversary of top surgery. Yay! I worked, and that was that.

Tuesday I finally got rid of the intrepid, went to a base ball game with a few friends. I really needed to get out. I don’t get to See Jay to often, as he lives out of town. Slightly Depressing, as the last time we went to the game, Ann accompanied me. Nothing like feeling like the 5th wheel. Either way it really was great to get out and see him and his wife.

Today was work, literally from 11am til 12:45 am.

Tomorrow I’m paying a huge chunk of debt off. Giving me hope all my ducks will be in a row come November when plans to leave really get in motion.

Time creeping closer to leaving makes me want to Message Ann. I miss her so much. A part of me can’t let go of what we had, the feeling. Midnight giggle sessions till we cried, or sitting at the dock deep in conversation, or random conversations about anything. The electricity when we touched, the fire and passion in out kiss, in the way we looked at each other. Daily I find my self watching couples, ones that look in love, and wonder if they feel it, if anyone other then me..felt…something like that for someone. I miss the way we used to be cooking dinner talking shit to each other over what were going to watch, where the dogs where going to lay, then go into play fighting, all of a sudden falling into love making. I’ve never just laid with someone after sex, feeling each other, hearts pounding, hands still wandering not wanting to give up the moment, but being beyond satisfied with just laying there skin to skin with each other.


That last night at her apartment, god. There are no words for that, other then feeling complete. Knowing at that moment, this person is “the one”.

With in 24 hours after that moment it was gone…she told me she was done. I still don’t know what happned, I thought we were fixing things…. “were going to make it through this, I love you CK”. That sheet of paper sits on my desk, and I pass is from now and then…slowly get piled under bills, and magazines.


Tonight, I really miss her. Every night I really miss her. Some nights, I can smile, enjoy our memories. Then there’s nights like tonight, tears stream my face knowing the lips that set my soul on fire, fall upon another mans mouth…..



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