Don’t be an idiot, idiot!

I’m sure everyone had ever got into a fight with our parents. Well, that’s the main point of this. I want to scream from the rooftops to let out my heart. And if you think I’ll be crying plus killing myself for attention, you’re wrong, idiot. I want to make sure no one heard me or see me. As IF it’s possible, durr..!

My mother looks like a giant big boring monster to me. I HATE it when she said “Do you even think about your future?” and all those shits. She always pointing my insecurities in front of my father, my grandma, and sometimes to strangers! And you know what shits she told me when I asked her to stop? 

“I do it because I care about you. So that you can change. Why can’t you see your big sister? She’s weak psychically, but very very smart. And your little brother, too!”

HA! 

Yeah, right. 

Every night I think about my parents. Why did they even born me if they don’t want me? I’m ugly, and I knew it. I’m not normal. I’m stupid. I’m an idiot. It’s not fair.

I have a weekly test in my school, and I don’t like it, but I tried my best to keep at it. You know why?

My teacher had my reports and my mother’s phone number.

And I’m sure you know what happened. Don’t ya?

Every week I have to face her annoying bullshits. I. HAVE. TRIED. MY. BEST. This is one of the common bull.

“You shamed me!”

The first time I’ve heard it comin’ from her crusty mouth, my heart BROKEN INTO PIECES. I tried to keep my tears from falling. I haven’t cried since I was a little shit. THOSE DAMN FEELS, MAN. THOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since then, my fucked up mindset is my mother is a Kyoikumama. She proud of my big sis, of course. And me? 

Ha.

I wish. 

Mom, if you’re reading this (AS IF YOU WOULD), I know I’m an idiot. And I’m not supposed to born. So if one day you see me on your favorite TV channel…

 

That’s not me.

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