Here goes nothing….

I don’t know how to begin. I need an outlet where no one knows me. Everything was perfect and now I live day to day. Hour to hour. Have you ever been so happy that you were waiting for a storm? You woke up one day and realized your life was how you wanted it and you just like something was going to ruin it? That is how i have always felt when i am finally happy. You yearn so deeply for what you think will make you happy, but are we ever happy? Personally, I always want more. I get a nice car, i want a nicer one. I get a new phone, I want a newer one. I loose 2 pounds, hell why not 5 more. Why can’t we settle? Whats so wrong with leaving well enough alone? If it isn’t broke, why fix it? This journal is for me. I need to see if I am the only one with the struggles of self-doubt and the deep-rooted beliefs in existential fallacies. Where do things go so wrong in our life that we loose either way? How can this world take a happy person and make them the spitting image of their parents who are too corporate for family and too lost for love. Who knows….but the point is, can life really be this empty? How can you be surrounded with life but empty of it? It is amazing how broken someone can feel yet how strong their facade is. So many questions … always in my head. There is always so much doubt. How can you look at someone and remember the love you had for them, that love that was so deep you’d walk on a bed of burning hot legos just to smell their scent, then the next day look at them and wish it would be your last glimpse? Are we really so complex that we can’t make a damn decision? So many questions…

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