Sadness poking out of nowhere everytime… can you relate?

It’s my first time exploring such world with journals you can publish, sounds fun.
As you read the title, my sadness keeps on doing that. Maybe it’s because I never get to experience what actually being able to fit in is like, rather then seeing people shut their mouths when seeing me, I’d rather be introverse and stick to my pc surfing in the web without any worries, locked in a room.
People judge you for no particular reason, I feel like judging is just a way to make yourself feel better, that’s my opinion though.
I feel like sometimes I need hugs for no reasons, or maybe I’m a loner, probably the key to my question. When my parents want to leave make excuses telling them I haven’t finished my studies or homework, but I’m reality I just want to stick to my room.
Hugs particularly make me feel safe and loved, I guess they are addicting, especially when no one hugs you for a long time you start feeling rotten and hungry for that special little casual thing that everybody could do. Hugs are like a little happy pill that can make you feel drunken, but not in a bad way, in a good way. But earning hugs is hard in my point of view, that’s why every time  I enter my classroom I hug my friends, just trying to make them feel better and smile warmly, but in reality I just want to be hugged back, sounds like a sad and desperate thing I shall say. and my mood swings, every time, anywhere, especially the mood I hate the most is my SADNESS, I start feeling lonely knowing that no one can really manage this human behind the computer writing down words, neither people know me in real life, having 2 sides isn’t that bad, I guess. 

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