[80] ~*Mon – 10/02/17*~

[11:11 pm]

OMG!! I didn’t plan on writing tonight cause I’m super tired and had planned on taking a nice relaxing bath and pack our bag cause we’re going to mom’s tomorrow. That said, it’s past 11 and I haven’t done a thing. I’ve been on the phone with my friend, hub and mom. I just don’t know what to do or what to think.. I don’t know where to start.. I want to start from the beginning of my day but I just need to let this out although I’ve talked about it three times already and I just don’t know. I feel safe, I guess but I’ll be happy once hub is home but now I worry for the future.

Alright.. I got home from work and was putting my stuff away. I always put my purse on one of the kitchen table’s chair by the garden doors. When I did that, I realized that the garden door was open. HOLY SHIT!! It wasn’t open, open but it wasn’t shut and it was still locked. I called hub right away to see if he had used the door, I need an explanation to it. He didn’t answer his work phone so I called my friend so I would at least be on the phone with someone in case something happened while I did a walk through of the house to check things out. Everything seems to be fine but fuck, why was the door open and still locked?! I closed it back and was pulling on it to see if I could open it while it was locked and nothing. I even went outside and did the same. I just don’t know.. I always say I want my dad to show me that he’s here so I was telling him that if it was him, it wasn’t funny. Nothing seem to be misplaced or anything but I still can’t figure out why the door wasn’t really shut, we never ever use that door. I didn’t get a deadlock for that door cause I didn’t find it pretty so I know it’s easier to break in when you don’t have the deadlock but I mean come on.. Maybe I should of gotten one? Maybe I should get one? I really don’t want too but right now I really don’t know what to think of this. Mom said that maybe the door wasn’t closed properly and the wind opened it but that would of happened way before now as I maybe have used the door two months ago. I finally contacted hub and was hoping he’d tell me he had used it today but he said he didn’t. The worse is that we’re going away tomorrow so now I’ll be worrying the whole time. A few years ago someone broke into our baby barn and stole our tires. I had gotten home a few days before and had seen that the lock was on the ground (the lock was broken, we kept putting it but it didn’t lock anymore) so I picked it up, looked in the baby barn to see if anything was missing which everything was there so I just putted the lock back. The next day or a few days later I came home and I saw the lock was still on the ground but this time the tires were gone. That said, they came a first time and didn’t take anything but came back and took something so now I’m scared they did the same with the house. They came for a look tonight but didn’t take anything and will be back tomorrow or in the next few days which we’re going away tomorrow so it’s making it worse. I don’t know what to do.. I just want to cry right now.

This screwed everything up. It’s late and I haven’t done a thing to get ready for tomorrow. I need to pack our bag and get some dishes done. I really don’t feel like doing shit right now. I just want to curl up in a corner and cry or what ever. I’m so tired.. I really didn’t need this tonight. I started working at 9 am and finished at 10 pm, it was a very long day. I don’t want to go away tomorrow, I’m so very scared that someone will come break in while we’re gone. I don’t know what to do at all. I can always ask the neighbor to keep an eye on the house but I mean he won’t be watching it all day. Maybe I should invest in an alarm or something. The thing is, we’re going away tomorrow so it’s not something I can actually have done before we leave. I’m scared for tomorrow while we’re gone as I just don’t have any explanation to why that door was open while still locked. GAW!!!

I want to go to bed right now but I kind of don’t want to go before I talk to hub and see what he thinks. We talked on the phone but it was kinda quick as he was working. I just can’t seem to calm my brain down, I’m so worried. It wouldn’t be so bad if we weren’t going away tomorrow. Why did it have to happen before we’re meant to leave?! I almost want to bring my cats with me, I’m scared something will happen to them. I don’t want to leave anymore. I just don’t know… I keep repeating it but I just don’t know..

This is driving me crazy, I need to go do something, try to get my mind off of it but I don’t think I can. I want to go do the dishes cause I know I won’t feel like doing it tomorrow morning but that means I have to be in the kitchen, see the door and be reminded of my worries. I think I will wait tomorrow morning to pack our bag cause I really don’t want to do it tonight. I’m just so very tired and so very worried now. I know crying won’t make it better but I just want to cry. I’m trying to let it go and try to forget it happened but my brain just keeps telling me that it’s a repeat of the baby barn but what can I do?! Of course there is things I can do but we’re going away tomorrow, I don’t have time to do anything to try to prevent something from happening. I kind of want to call my friend right now but it’s late. I wonder if she’s in bed already as she’s coming with us tomorrow. I just worry the most about my babies. I’m so scared to leave them home alone tomorrow which I never was in the past. I can’t bring them with us so I don’t know what I should do and I don’t know how I can put my mind to ease. This was supposed to be an awesome adventure tomorrow. 

Screw it, I’m calling my friend. 




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