My souls end

I just got home from my hospital stay. I gave birth to another beautiful little boy, and this should be the happiest time of my life. But unfortunately I cannot say that is true. All I can think about is you. You said you were going to your cousins house, but I don’t think that is where you went. I think someone else picked you up. Another woman. I can’t even be mad because I am just so saddened by this, like a piece of me has yet again been ripped away from me. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy. I used to be optimistic, but I’m getting too hurt and tired. You see you were suppose to be my happiness at last, but you lied. I was in love before, for about 5 years. It was an abusive relationship, but I loved him with all my heart. I finally couldn’t bare it any longer. The pain of loosing him effects me still to this day. Many will not understand, even though he hurt me so bad, I deeply missed him. Missed the connection we had on the “good” days. But I knew it was not healthy, so I had to let him go. I did not talk to anyone for a long time. Then I met you. Just when I thought I could never love again, you took me away off into the hopes of me loving again. It felt so good to know that I could feel this again, but I was still hurting because of him. Each day I shared with you he left my mind piece by piece. And now I sit here wondering where you really are. Wondering if you care that I just gave birth to our son, wondering if she’s more magical than me, wondering if I should have never loved again, wondering when my miserable loneliness will end. You don’t know that I’m here crying. You probably don’t even think about me when your gone? Do you miss me? Do I matter? I’ve come to my souls end, I can no longer bare any pain. I’m just empty, the fire that once burned inside of me is out. 

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