Day 16

Man, yesterday was shit. Why is it so hard for me to stay in control.  Every time I binge its like an out of body experience where I watch myself eat. I know I am destroying progress and I will hate myself later, but I just keep watching, silently.  I simply cannot be alone without a plan.  So I want to make rules for myself.  After I come home from work, if I have no plans, I have to read a chapter of the Big Book or the 12 steps, and I need to plan out my night.  Even if its just watching tv and resting, I need to break out each hour and plan when I am going to eat, and when I am going to stop.  It’s been 2 weeks since my last meeting, I’m looking forward to getting back into a healthy routine. No matter what happened yesterday, today is a clean slate, I will be abstinent today. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 

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