Bipolar disorder. PTSD. DID. It’s not an excuse. It’s reality.
I need to start writing when I feel overwhelmed or triggered. I need to get control of all the shit in my head, or I’m going to lose him.
How do I feel right now? Like an animal. An evil entity with absolutely no control over my moods or behavior. I hurt the ones I love, it doesn’t matter if I intended to or not. IT’S MY OWN FAULT.
I look at him, and my heart hurts for the pain I cause him. I want to run, if only to spare him more torture.
My past is gone. It can’t hurt me anymore. So why am I like this? Am I doomed to hurt others as I was hurt, never to find peace?
I love him. I don’t want to lose him.