october sixth

a poem I wrote during my senior year of high school

The Kid in the Library

Why are you here all the time?

The last place I’d expect to see

You is in this library. I think

You go to my school (cause

It’s my school and I definitely

Have the right to claim it…)

But who are you? I’d guess you

Were a slacker and a stoner

And that you run in the

Wrong crowd. So why are

In the county library? I don’t

Think we’d be friends and

I don’t have any interest in

Talking to you. I’m just perplexed

As to why you’re here. It’s

Possible that you really care

About your schoolwork so

You came here to be productive.

But sometimes you’re not

Doing anything school related

So why are you here? I like to

Jump to conclusions so my

Assumption is you have a

Troubled life and are here

Because you have nowhere

Else. Why do I need a

Reason for you to be here?

I could just walk right

Over to you and ask.

But I don’t have the balls

For that. (Speaking of, why is it

Masculine to be courageous

And confident? Conversation

For another time.) It also begs

The question of if I care so

Much about why you are

Always here, why am I

Always here? What right

To I have to care about

This. Then I’d have to

Explain that I’m here

To tutor and do my own

Homework and be a

Better member of society

Than you because that

Opinion isn’t problematic

At all. I have to make

Sure you know I’m tutoring

Someone so you think

More highly of me and so

I think more highly

Of myself. You kind of

Look like Ammar, but that

Could just be suppressed

Racism in thinking that

Everyone of your race

Looks alike. Judgmental,

Elitist and racist. I’m doing

A great job of fulfilling

My stereotypes, maybe

That’s why I’m believing

In yours. Or maybe I’m

Just more narrow minded

Than I’d ever like to admit.

Now I feel shitty, but

Looking for a reason

Not to feel shitty ignores

The problem and creates

The idea that my victim

Attitude is more important

To take care of than

Actual societal problems.

But this isn’t about me,

This is about that kid

Who is always in the

Library.

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