I am going home to New York tomorrow. I have decided I am moving back. I can’t overthink this. I need to get back to Noah and my retirement and stop worrying about other things. I am going to start school next semester to work on my principalship. I will have it done in a couple of years. I am going to stay at Winburn if it kills me. No more moving. I know I say that every single time. I really have to. I am going to buy that townhouse and live there and pay off my debts. I won’t have any reason to buy clothes because no one there knows anything anyway. It doesn’t matter what I wear. I can wear the same thing ever day and who will even care. I am going to spend 2018 getting my life in order. I will buy that car I found I like and the townhouse and pay off my bills. I will start building up a savings account. I have nothing to buy- clothes, bags, shoes really don’t matter. Those tacky ass people trying to impress each other with Jack Rogers and Lilly. Gross. They make me hate Jack Rogers. Thoes are going to be in the same category as Coach and Michael Kors in my book. I will be glad to get home tomorrow to start getting my shit together. I need to call the moving company and give them my address and push them to give me a date for pick up and delivery. I hope to fuck they don’t take a month to get my shit there.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."