So glad to be headed back to New York. I have so much to do, I couldn’t fall asleep last night. I am going to really try to get most of my shit out of the school tomorrow. I will make multiple trips- I will have to. Maybe 3. I am fairly certain the charter school is open tomorrow, so the building should be open. I have decided to move. End of story. No more wondering about what I should do. I am just going to do it. I have made the decision and I have to stick to it now. I have the place to live, I have the job, I have given notice at my job and my apartment, I booked a rental car to get back in. I am going to take most of my clothes with me and not the movers. I will call the movers tomorrow and give them the address and try to get some definites on the dates. I am going to go buy a box of big black garbage bags and put a lot of my clothes in those. I bought a total of 45 boxes to pack shit in and that’s gonna be it. I will take a load home of what’s left from school every day this week and hopefully have it all sooner than later. I need to get my music stand and those big crates tomorrow- those would be awkward to carry out on a school day without attracting a lot of attention. I dread dealing with my principal this week. I will avoid him as much as possible, that’s for sure. I am certain to be called in to the office again. I am just going to say, I understand that you want me to stay, but I have made my decision. I have to be firm. I suck at that. I suck at confrontation and discord of any kind. I will be getting some practice this week, that’s for sure. I cannot just stay because I want a stranger to be happy with me.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."