Life within its self

So day 2! 

Here are my thoughts for today! I feel like everyday i wake up and hate waking up! Just the thoughts of rolling out of bed kills me, 

ok so kinda back to were we left off yesterday so ptsd just all round sucks! Long story short! Lets start today off woth my divorce! My ex husband and I were married for 7 years and together for 2 before we got married! Life was amazing really amazing! I was 21 at the time was a single mom and here comes this man who saved me, ( i know that  sounds so silly). But at the time thats just what happend! He had 3 kids himself and I had my child, so together we had 4 kids! ( yes thats right 4). So lets fast forward a few years, my husband start getting mad at first it was name calling and so on, then if the kids did someont wrong it was name calling to them, then a year after that it when it all really started, i got use to turning his anger on me so the kids wouldnt feel that, i would stand between him and the kids and would take whatever he had to give, it was never nice thats for sure, i felt like i didnt matter! I felt like he wanted to make sure i wasnt happy! He took so much of me, I remember at one point there was a chair that got thrown at me, and cell phones( we went threw phones god all that money )  this went on for almost all 7 years! 

I now have trust issues and feel like every giy could be that one guy who may just take it too far, i worry for my child, theres no one who can raise her anymore put me. Im always worried that what if they take it to far. I cant handle yelling at me or name callkng, if you say your going to do something you metter do it,if not you have let me down and it takes me forever to trust what your saying again, letting me down is not on the table! I say sorry all the time! Even when i know its not my fault theres still a sorry to follow! You can never yell at me, i shut down and just want to leave! Im just fucked! Lol, I do have a man in my life now and he is doing really well , but that will be another day 🙂 

2 thoughts on “Life within its self”

  1. I seriously cannot wait to hear more from you, because I feel that its going to help me with what I am going through right now..

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