More problems

Every time something bad happens I always tend to think of the “what ifs.”  “What if I hadn’t done this, or what if I hadn’t gone there, or what if I had done something different.”  It just goes on and on.  A few nights ago I had been talking to someone from a dating app and he wanted to meet up and usually I’ll be at least somewhat excited or feel something but this time around I was almost dreading it.  I didn’t know why but I just felt like cancelling and staying home.  I figured it was because lately I had been feeling that way to begin with so I ended up going.  I should have stayed because maybe my intuition was trying to tell me something.  I went to meet him and it was alright, nothing special…I ended up leaving somewhat early just because I still felt that dread and I just wanted to get home.  I was just getting off the freeway and was about 5 minutes from my house, not speeding, not swerving, not doing anything suspicious when a cop pulls up behind me and turns his lights on.  I thought, well I’m driving on a suspended license so I’m basically done.  He asks for my name and my license and I asked if I had been doing anything wrong and that I thought he had to have probable cause to pull me over…he just said he ran my license and my mugshot came up as suspended and that I matched the description (in the dark, mind you) and that’s why he pulled me over.  They weren’t dicks or anything about it but he said he was going to cut me a break and just give me a citation and that he could have impounded my car and I could have went to jail.  Not to mention the fact that I had a margarita about two hours ago so there could have been a tiny trace so if they had breathalyzed me I could have gotten my third dui since I can’t have any trace at all in my system.  So I guess there are such things as small favors but I just don’t get why he ran my plates to begin with if I had been obeying all the laws.  So basically I can’t drive my car anymore.  MY car.  My car is registered under my name so if they decide to just randomly run it again I’m screwed.  I have to find a way to drive someone else’s car or get that car re-registered under someone else’s name.  I know it’s crazy of me to continue driving but there is NO way I can wait 6 months to drive again.  I’ve never gotten pulled over besides that one night but I mean I’ve never gotten a speeding ticket or gotten pulled over for swerving or anything else.  Even my duis were under a different circumstance so technically I never got pulled over for those.  I’m just in a tough spot and I’ve been depressed and anxious and feel like I want to vomit all the time.  Luckily I had a good Friday the 13th (which I usually always do) and I was able to get some good pills from some friends because my prescription is still pending.  Otherwise I’d be going crazy.  I have work today then I have five days off which is good so I’ll have time to figure out what I’m going to do about my situation and not worry about driving.  I told my parents my car was acting funny but that will only hold them off for so long.  Then surprisingly Anthony is willing to help me out but he’s out of town right now but he even said we could switch cars.  Of all people I didn’t think he’d be the one to go to these lengths to help me.  But we’ll see what happens.  If I end up having to tell my parents I can’t drive I’ll be depressed for the next 6 months and you probably won’t hear from me because all I’ll be doing is sleeping.  I just don’t know what to do. 

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