I am feeling bad. My head is hurting. My apartment is a disaster- mostly packed for moving. I dread going to school tomorrow. It will be so uncomfortable. I still don’t know what day my movers are coming. I am so broke it’s unreal. I am 47 years old and I am a complete mess. I need to get my shit together so bad. I don’t know how. I hope I can get my money issues straightened out in the next year. I want to get out of debt and start saving up some money. Clothes certainly won’t matter down there- No one has a clue about anything. I just need to try my best not to spend any money. O have to stop buying things. I cannot even buy stuff for my townhouse. I have to leave it empty. THere’s no sense in buying furniture for it, anyway since what I buy most likely wouldn’t work in another place. I have been going around and around in my head about a car for the last week or so. I have thought about it all over the place. I need to go with something cheap, which was my first instinct. I am going to go to the Toyota place and buy that Prius if it is still there. That is the smartest choice. It is the cheapest on gas and it is the lowest payment. That civic was used as a rental and there’s no telling what issues that might lead to. I will have Noah take to me the Toyota place and buy that car. Once I know what day I will be in Kentucky, I will contact the leasing agent to set up a time for him to meet me at the townhouse so I can get the keys. I will leave Sophie at Brent’s until my furniture arrives. I will gage his attitude toward me and decide if I need to stay in the empty town house or if I can stay with him and Noah until my stuff gets there. I need to get an appointment with Lisa asap. I will call there tomorrow and schedule that. I have to get a physical. Ugh. I am so mad at myself for forgetting to get some paper when I was at school yesterday. I just need a single sheet of paper to print out the physical form. I have no fucking clue where my paper is in all the mess that i have going on. I have 50 boxes packed and no clue what is in most of them.Not the best system, but whatever.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 47 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."