Leading to Boyfriend…

My Boyfriend…

Well this is something that I’m not really sure about writing, but I do want it for myself…so here it goes. I’ll start from the beginning…

Growing up was interesting for me, I had 2 sister and a mom. However, my sisters and I all had different dads the difference with us is that they know their dads and got to see them along with their siblings they had on their father’s’ side. For me however did not know my dad, you see he left when I was 2 years old. Growing up I found out knew things about him and learned that it was never my fault that he left and I learned that I actually know the events of the last day I saw him… my dad is an alcoholic and the day he left was him hug over. He was an hour or so late for the visit my mom had tried distracting me, but I guess I wasn’t going to forget that he was coming and I don’t think at that age I understood what being late was. He came and he stayed for about 5 or so minutes reading to me, but then after that short amount of time went by he said that he had to go home and wash his dog. However, unfortunately for him my mom knew he was lying and had followed him outside, when they were outside she had told him that if it’s going to continue this way then he should not come back. And just like that he never came back and I never got to know who he was all I know is that he is my dad who had left and choose alcohol over his daughter. The worse part is that I thought that whole thing was some dream until I had told my mom about it and she said that it actually happened. Every once and awhile I would learn new things about him and his side of the family. I learned that I had a sister on his side that is around the same age as my older sister on my mom’s side, also found out that I have a brother one his side to but no one knew about him. After learning about the fact that he had no problem choosing to walk away so easily I always thought that I did something wrong and throughout the years I always thought people will always leave.

Growing up we also moved around alot so making and keeping friends was always a struggle for me. And with that thought in my head that everyone eventually leaves was not helping me at all. However, when I was in 5th grade we had moved out of coventry (again) we moved to Warwick RI and that’s when that changed, a little. My first friend was Amanda and we have been through alot of shit together but we’ve been best friends for a long time. Through the years I have had friends come and go and had some come in and stay. Jordan was one of the people and maybe the only person who has stayed in my life once they came into my life. The funny thing about us is that we don’t really remember becoming friends or how it happened all we know is that it was because of me dating his brother that it happened….yes, you did read that right I dated his brother. Throughout the years I obviously had boyfriends and I have had crushes but little did I know that I would end up with my best friend.

Ending up with your best friend is something that I have always wanted and looked for. I have always believed that you should be friends first to get to know each other first then see if dating is for you then engagement then marriage after a good amount of engagement time. Jordan has been there for me and with me through alot and I couldn’t be more grateful or lucky to have him in my life. Throughout our whole friendship we kept getting the question of whether or not we were dating or if we were really just friends, and his mother didn’t really help considering she kind of started it from the day I broke up with Jake (Jordan’s brother) which I didn’t know about until the day that my family and I moved and Jordan helped us. He and I were talking and he told me that she has been wanting us to date ever since. However, we both dated other people for a while, he dated my friend Alison (her and I are no longer friends) and I dated my ex Kevin. Who was not someone I should’ve been with, but everything happens for a reason. Kevin also thought that Jordan and I would end up together so I guess he had to be right about something right.

So fast forward to now, 2017. The past two years (2016-2017) have been the most changing years for me by far. I have met new people who now mean alot to me through the barn and I have had some people leave my life with no question and they have all acted as if I never meant anything to them whatsoever. But I will have to say that 2017 is the year that has changed me the most. I have gone to three concerts this year with different people. I went to see Sam Hunt with my co worker Kate-Lynn, I went to see Lady Antebellum with my friends Taylor and Josh (they brought me as their date after telling me that I didn’t have to worry about paying for my ticket) and I also went to go see Florida Georgia Line with my older sister Adrienne. That was all within the summer alone. I also received some news from my best friend, Jordan had visited me at work one night and told me that he was joining the Navy…I didn’t know what to say other than saying that we needed to hang out as much as we can and that no matter what we are keeping in touch when he leaves. However, little did I know that by hanging out more we would get even closer as friends and end up together. It didn’t happen right away, I also liked someone for awhile and he knew that, but nothing happened with him because he said that he didn’t like me that way.

The day/night that changed for us was October 9th into the 10th 2017. I had sent him a picture of something I had written out while I was at work and had gone home to type it (not sure why I typed it but I did) and I sent it to him not thinking that he was actually going to read it, but he did. After he read it we talked all night into the next morning and talked about giving us a try as boyfriend and girlfriend. The thing with us is that we have acted more like a couple then friends for a while now and people were constantly thinking that we were a couple anyway. So far it is going great, I can honestly see us lasting and I know that is something what a lot of new couples say, but I think we can because we were friends for so long before we got together. We’ll have to see. However, I do know that the way I feel about him is something that I can’t explain and I barely understand it myself.

I have been hurt so many times by people that I have had my guard up for so long that I don’t know what it’s like without it. However, Jordan makes me feel safe, I know that I can talk to him about anything he’s honestly the only one I have never been afraid to tell something to him because before I was always judged by what I said but with him I know he won’t. He also has shown me that not everyone leaves and people can stay, if they truly want to and that it has nothing to do with what I do that makes them leave. We understand each other and I have never had someone who understands me the way he does. Like I’ve said, it’s hard to explain and it’s hard to understand. Even I don’t fully understand it sometimes but what I do know is that I’m very happy that I told him and that he felt the same way and that we decided to take the step and give us dating a try. I don’t regret any of it, just that it didn’t happen sooner.

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