[96.1] ~*Thu – 10/19/17*~

[10:25 pm]

I just talked to mom. My brother’s in the hospital, he’s in the ICU. Apparently he had a heart attack and has an infection in his blood, not too sure. They’re going to do tests tomorrow. This is almost my father all over again. My brother has been sick for a long time and he should be in a nursing home but he refuses to go. He has friends watching him pretty much 24 hrs a day. This morning he felt and couldn’t get up. The people watching over him couldn’t get him up as he didn’t have any strength in his legs so they called the ambulance even though he didn’t wanted to go to the hospital. Once there they found out he had a heart attack but we don’t know much more for now. Mom will be going to see him tomorrow so I’ll be calling her after work to know more. I’m texting my other brother to let him know and it’s just making me even more sad cause he’s saying that he hates how he’s far away and can’t come see him. To be honest, I’m getting pretty scared for him. He’s been sick and getting worse. Just like my dad, he will be better when he passes but it’s not something I want to happen. I just honestly don’t know how he’s still living. Maybe this isn’t something I should say but if I was him, with the life he’s living, I would of giving up on life a long time ago. Him and my dad, they are alike. I just hope he can get better now that he’s in the hospital although it’s not the first time he ends up there.

Anyways, I also just received a text from the on call and my first client of tomorrow cancelled. That said, I’ll be able to sleep in tomorrow morning which I’m glad cause I have a feeling I will need it. It’s late and I had decided not to take a bath but I might now that I know I can sleep an extra three hours. I’m just not sure if I’m up for it as I know my head will just be going and I’ll prob end up crying cause of my brother. Maybe I should just sit here and watch some shows to try and think about something else. I really don’t like this. The worse, my mom didn’t want me to tell my other brother right away, she wanted to wait to have more news tomorrow but I had already texted him when she told me. I rather him know but now I feel bad cause he will be worrying on his side as well. Arg!

I shall go do something cause it won’t help any to sit here and cry and be sad. I can’t change a thing. Life is life! Let’s just hope for the best.




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