Cigarettes and wind chimes

I enjoyed the company of good friends tonight. Distractions and feelings of love. Smiles and mariachi music and margaritas that were too sweet and too expensive. The songs made me think of you, spanish melodies of heartbreak that only I understood. I made jokes, i moved on. But now I’m alone. Reality is all I have left. Wind chimes and cigarettes are my only company. 

Tomorrow I go to Cassadaga. Maybe a stranger will heal me and tell me my future. A future that seems so empty without you. I picture her having blue eyeshadow and smelling of gin. Just another empty promise. I’m not expecting much. But I’m desperate.

Today I sat on the steps of a water enveloped grave. A plaque reminded me of a person that died there. The empty needles surrounding it reminded me of how. Dark clouds and stormy Floridian autumn wind blowing through my unkempt hair, cars crossing the bridge without sound. I sat at the same spot you did when I found you crying and playing your guitar. 

I closed my eyes and wondered if you could feel me thinking about you. If you knew that you were still a part of me. And if it mattered. 

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