I’m tired.  I’m tired all the time.  Yet I can not sleep at night.  I keep hoping the small cocktail of drugs I take at night to help me sleep will assist me one day in not waking me up.  But the small cocktail of drugs I take at night is nothing compared to the large cocktail of drugs I take in the morning.  In the morning always followed by a couple cups of coffee or three just to help me get my day started.    Good grief, the day, the exhausting day.  It really is exhausting wearing a mask all day and sometimes not – pretending everything is o.k. but not – smiling when you want to cry and sometimes I do, it’s not a pretty sight.  Living life like it’s closing in on you.  Living life where everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING, is a struggle.  Living life trying to survive on what you have and failing.  Life is failing me.  I am failing me.  I am a failure.


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