I’m tired. I’m tired all the time. Yet I can not sleep at night. I keep hoping the small cocktail of drugs I take at night to help me sleep will assist me one day in not waking me up. But the small cocktail of drugs I take at night is nothing compared to the large cocktail of drugs I take in the morning. In the morning always followed by a couple cups of coffee or three just to help me get my day started. Good grief, the day, the exhausting day. It really is exhausting wearing a mask all day and sometimes not – pretending everything is o.k. but not – smiling when you want to cry and sometimes I do, it’s not a pretty sight. Living life like it’s closing in on you. Living life where everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING, is a struggle. Living life trying to survive on what you have and failing. Life is failing me. I am failing me. I am a failure.