Day 22 – 30 Days of Thanks

It’s early Sunday morning…..very early. This journal got me out of bed this morning; the words filling my head and swarming around; screaming to get out and be written down.

I hit a low this week.  Memories, realities, injury, sadness, fatigue.  Can I put a point on the strongest cause of my low?  No.  Everything built around me until I felt my world crash and had to admit my true emotional self.  

I always want to live in my world; my safest place where nothing hurts me, affects me or changes me….but that bubble bursts a lot.  Reality is out there, beyond my bubble and, when it pushes through, it hurts like hell.  My past and my future slammed into each other this week. Scratched a wound I thought was healed; forced me look at what was and what is to come.  

This year has taught me so much, helped me heal, realize my limits and break through barriers I never believed I could.  It’s also taught me about the world that is out of my control. The world I can’t change. The world I have to accept.  Damn, I hate that world.

My circle is small now. I like it this way; I want it this way. The relationships I have with my family and friends are exactly how I want them to be. I trust these people with my life. Not many other people will be let in; I’ve learned. My heart is still full of love and I am content. 🙏🏻 

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