Recently I’ve been feeling that I feel too much. I take everything too seriously. It’s do or die for me sometimes which makes me chuckle because it seems irrational typing it down, but in my mind I’m am completely 100% dead serious about how I feel about things most of the time. Actually wait that makes no sense because I’m also very uncertain. All I can be certain about right now is that I am not actively aware of my feelings and opinions or better yet I should say that I wasn’t actively aware. I’m finally paying attention to them and it’s been a trying time for me. I’m glad I’m acknowledging my feelings instead of bottling them up. I’m even voicing my opinions out loud in a semi quiet voice. I noticed I immediately go on the defensive after I state an opinion though. I’m expecting someone to say something negative to me and the only options I have, at the least the only options I tell myself, is to aggressively defend or passively defend. Usually I go with passively defending because self preservation is a thing. I make a lot of assumptions without concrete evidence. I’ve got to work on that.
I'm growing. With every entry. With everything I read. Obviously. Like everyone else. I"m selfish. I hate the word but I am. I try not to be. I've found this website to be a great emotional outlet for the few times that I've written on here. Enjoy the jumbled mess.