Today’s mood is angry. I read something last night. Love is not enough. I’ve always thought it was but maybe that was the wrong way to think. You wanted your house, a comfortable life and everything and my love never would have been enough for you and that’s also why you left. I’m starting to believe that you won’t regret leaving me. You’re life will be better without me. You’ll have less stress and your family will make you happy, forever. As it should. I always thought that as time goes by maybe you would realize that you don’t want to live without me. You told me you have no choice in this but you always have a choice and you chose the easy one. I get it. Leaving me was the easier of the two. I guess my mindset is just different then yours. But now I know that love is just not enough, like I always thought that it was. Your love for Jana will come back and then I think you’ll be complete. Me on the other hand I just don’t know. Frank has been very nice to me, and I’ve been distracted by him this weekend but it’s Monday now, back to work and back to being alone at night. That’s when this will get harder. You always had a way of making me feel less lonely and cared for. I don’t want anyone else. Just you. I honestly hope this feeling goes away soon. I feel empty and lost. If you ever read this you’ll probably think I’m pathetic but I just don’t care. I loved you and I’ll never be embarrassed for that. I just wish it wasn’t all for what feels like nothing.
I’ll be honest though I still can’t believe you did this to me. You came into my life, changed everything. You made me love you so deeply and then you just left. How could you do this to me? I feel like you did the same shit to that girl from Denver. I remember you telling me you were going to move in with her and everything. Did you tell her all of the things you told me too? Was I even special to you or just another girl. I find myself questioning everything right now. Because I sure feel like nothing to you.
There is no finding our way back to each other. This is it. I can’t hold onto that. I know what we could have had together. I’m sorry that you didn’t see it. But if I ever get over you then that just might be it. You may have lost your chance, for good. But I guess only time will tell.
Walking into work this morning made everything feel worse. I’m surrounded by people that don’t really even give a shit about me, which makes me feel even more alone. At least I had you before… I’m praying that the rest of the day gets easier.