I have never really understood how some people can bury who they are, even if it were to fit into a particular group. I never could grasp the idea of hiding or changing who you are, what you believe in or even stand for, for anything or anyone one.
In the past, I learnt a lot from just observing how people interact with one another, how they seem to morph into different people and take on a different persona – so to say with various people. Although I wondered why constantly, I could understand how someone may change the way they converse to another person. One may change to protect another, or possibly prevent them from something. However, the underlying reason I could never understand.
When I was younger, I would act as if I didn’t feel anything. I would distance myself from everything and everyone, not to keep from building strong relationships with others but to protect myself instead. I never got close to anyone, I never really bared myself to anyone fully. I was in control of what people knew of me, but now in learning so much more. I find that just doesn’t work with everyone. Sometimes you show yourself more to others than you can realise or can come to terms with. I fear that once someone gets close to me, that they will leave forever. It’s happened before, soon again another person will leave my life…maybe it is the best that people just leave. This way I can’t cause them harm.