I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m a coward and writing this to you on here, where you’ll probably never see. Today I was finally fed up enough. I can’t take it no more. Why did you have to change and become like them? It would of been nice to rely on someone in my depression, but your gone. I’m writing the rest of my feelings towards you on here, letting myself free of your binds. I’m tired of feeling weak, alone and so much more. Do you know how many times my hand has reached for a razor? It made something deep inside me shut down that day you cut yourself with scissors and laughed it off. It was as if all my times that I was in pain and needed someone, You would laugh them off. Turn me into one of your jokes. This is not a joke, I can’t breath around you. Do you feel happy now that you re pushing me closer to the edge. I can’t, Not yet.
You don’t understand what’s going on right? Following me around school. I know you have the best intentions, but I can’t. I really can’t. I’m giving up, letting go. The group is yours to shape and joke with. Be their friend, don’t hurt them like you have me. I really did want to become friends with you, some part of me still wants to, but that’s why I’m writing now. To pour those feeling into this writing. I can’t take this friendship, not yours or Amy’s or Carlietta’s. Our pretend friendship has been cut along with the thread connecting us. 6th grade was nice, someday I’d like to remember that. Not now.
I have to cut this one short or I’ll start crying again. This is a cowardice goodbye, I know. but I’d never be brave enough to say this to your face. Hailee, I’m sorry but my pain is at an extreme and I can’t take it any longer. I feel so empty and lost. And I’m so scared of being alone but I have t be. because I’d rather feel empty and emotionless than internally and forever in pain. I can’t erase this pain with a few snickers and smiles. It’s a darkness that will swallow me whole. I’m sorry for every fake smile, for every “I’m Ok” that was always a lie.
We are drifting apart with all these rumors, lies, and drama. You can count me out of that drama. When I tried to speak to about my pain you shut me down, Why? Was I not worth your thoughts? You don’t care. This is good bye, I won’t take your lies anymore or feeling guilt from them.
Sincerely, There our Fake Friendship has been cut