The Day I Realized;

Today I went and visited my Aunt & Uncle at the cemetery. I call them “Mami & Didi” since I was a kid. They were like my second mom and dad. When I was a kid, my Dad is working away from us because he works in a ship. I am not really close to my Dad before, and my Uncle really stands as my Dad for me. He drives me to school, he picks me up. They are the one who prepare lunch for me. And they would not eat first without me. Good old days huh. 

 

When I was 8, my Auntie died because of cancer. I was so heartbroken then. I was so small that time, so fragile. Every time I remember her, I still remember the feeling of sadness, the brokenness i felt. I was having nightmare since the day she died, almost EVERY. SINGLE. DAY I cry in my sleep. Imagine that? I mean an 8 year old me? crying for help just to save my Aunt from dying. My Mom would wake me up just to make me stop from screaming  & crying. My nightmare stopped haunting me the day I realized I have accepted that she died, the day I realized I should be strong & have to moved on. The day I realized that I can’t control what would happen. The day I realized that every single thing happens for a reason. 

 

Today I missed them. I missed them so much. I can’t visit them frequently because of so many reasons. As I look back to my memories with them, all of it were happy and all smiles. They spoiled me a lot, they treat me as their own youngest child. I just miss them. (lol why I am even crying while writing this. Good thing it isn’t paper this time, just me and my laptop. No more tears in my paper.) I don’t know but I’m grateful for those moments. I mean I’m thankful I have those happy memories with them than having not right? 🙂

 

Sometimes there are times where you just need to accept your fate. Where you just need to accept what is happening around you. Just like what I did. I just accepted it. Yes I cried and Yes it was so long and hard for me at first but look at me, I looked back to it with a smile. You have to accept it & move on. You can’t control what you want to happen and what you don’t want. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of embracing the moment, the situation. Maybe it is too difficult, but sometimes it is also what’s best. 

 

 

xx

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