[108] ~*Thu – 11/02/17*~

[9:52 pm]

Alright, I have an anxiety problem, that I know. It’s not to the extreme where I can’t live but it’s still there and when it acts up it’s a pain in the ass. My problem right now, my phone. Everything was going well, I was upstairs doing the dishes with some music on my phone and enjoying myself. When I came to turn off the music, my screen was just acting up and I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t even turn off the phone. I finally managed to get in and click on the restart but the screen is still acting up. I took the battery out and decided to turn it off while I was in the tub trying to relax. I did say “trying” cause my anxiety is acting up. My heart is beating and I keep telling myself “I don’t want to have to change phone, I don’t have time to try and get this fix, I need my phone for work.” so I’m not relaxing at all. I just got out the tub and I came straight to the PC so I could write. I haven’t turned the phone back on cause I’m too scared. I’m trying to tell myself that it’s just a silly phone and I can always try to get it fix and worse come to worse, I just get a new one. THIS DARN ANXIETY! I have a problem where things need to be fix right away, I can’t wait. I stress while I wait even if there’s no darn reason to stress. Blah!

Also, while I was in the tub the phone rang, which I thought was hub but I just looked and it was an unknown number. Weird! No message either. I had texted hub before turning my phone off (managed to do so) to tell him my phone was acting up and that I was going to take a bath so I thought it was him that had called the house phone.

Anyways, I really want to try my phone but I’m so scared to do so and it’s just silly. My body just feels anxious and I HATE IT. Arg! Why do things always have to happen to me?! This is like Mon when I was working. It was raining and it looked like I had a lil crack in my windshield but I wasn’t sure if it was one or not. Every time I’d try to reach it from the outside, I couldn’t see where it was since it was raining. I wanted to drive up to where they fix windshield right away and have it checked. I just can’t wait! But I tried to calm down as I also had other things on my mind and told myself it was going to be alright, if it was cracked, it could wait a day or two. I waited and as far as I can tell, it was just some dirt so I was worried for nothing. Although this time, I have a feeling it’s not for nothing cause the screen was still acting up after a restart. 

I just checked hub’s cell’s account online and it was him that called. Now I wonder why his number was blocked and he didn’t leave me a message. Another thing to worry about. Blah! I should try my phone cause either way, I’ll be stressing. I’m stressing cause I’m scared the screen really is fucked up so I will keep stressing until I check and once I check, if it is indeed broken, I will stress until I have it fix so I will just be stressing anyways so might as well check it. Why did this have to happen tonight when I have to get up even earlier tomorrow. I need to go to bed earlier and this happens. Blah, blah blah!

FUCK! I just turned it on and yup, it’s done. I don’t know what to do now. I need my phone for work, especially tomorrow since it’s a screw up day and grr. I don’t have time to go have it checked. I’m not even sure it’s the screen but I’m assuming it is. Stress, stress, stress. WHY?! It was fine when I put the music on and I was in such a happy mood for once. I guess I just can’t be happy.

I really just want to cry right now and this fucked up my whole evening. Like I said before, I was actually in a happy mood tonight. I want a hug from hub and for that I need to wait like two hours for him to get home from work and by that time I should already be asleep since I’m working an hour earlier tomorrow but I know I won’t be able to sleep because of the damn phone. Unreal!

Alright, I still have a few shows to watch so I might as well get to that cause I will just sit here and think. Maybe watching shows isn’t a good idea either cause I normally play on my phone while watching a show and I don’t think my phone will let me right now. The screen is fine for a lil and then it acts up. I really hope I can get just the screen fix and that it won’t be too expensive. I really can’t get ahead of the game.






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