torture

I hate getting up to shouting voices on a Saturday morning when that’s the only day i get to sleep in,urgh. 

I need to clear a few things in my head. i need to have a serious talk with myself. I’m not gonna say 2 things again. i. not say things about far future ii. not tell the obvious. 

annndd i hate double standards. I literally hate them. why do people say one thing and do the other. It makes me dizzy and makes me lose interest in seconds. the double standards and lies. i dont lie n and dont like being lied to as well.  andd i have one problem i.e; im too direct. ugh! i hate this about myself but i cant help it. if i feel something i just say it. My dad and brother say its cuz i have a pure heart,i dont keep grudges. i just say what i feel like n not be judgmental all at the same time. i dont say anything until im not sure. when once i know, i cant help it. like i know the truth,next time im gonna see the person n there i go. im gonna blurt it out. it eats at me. also, i want to know the reason why someone would lie,like why? we were not gonna hurt you or something. fake ego. why keep up a false face when the truth will be disclosed sooner or later.

i have this thing also and its about myself. sometimes, i get into thinking that i wont be able to handle it like something will happen n i wont be able to take it and get thru it. but once its done, i always get thru it. definitely,i do feel the pain but i’m not miserable.  once its done, i start thinking about how to get out of it n be okay. i get thru just fine. 

i know i’m a strong person. we all family members are not very expressive but sometimes my mom says,’you are so brave’ and i know she is telling the truth. i know it myself too but it makes my faith in myself stronger.

i can do it. i can get through anything. i will be able to focus n not let things get to me.

i dont care!

i should get going now. bye 

2 thoughts on “torture”

  1. I think saying what you think is a great quality! I used to be so frightened of what people would think of me , wanting everyone to like me all the time, and it’s only now (at almost 30 years old) that I don’t care and I try to always stand up for myself and say what I think. The fact that you are doing that already is amazing! I also hate hate hate liars, always have and always will. Can’t understand them! X

  2. I feel great to know that you think this! as this has been my case since childhood,my sister is always telling me to shut up haha, so i try to not do it more often n being direct is a great way to lose friends but its better to be alone than having fake friends. its good to be yourself always cuz only then you meet genuine people who like you for you :). Its great that you stand up for yourself cuz we got only ourselves, nobody else will do that for us. have a great day! Xxx

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