Here is My Secret

So today I hung out with my Father on what was supposed to be father/daughter time but turned into an episode of awkwardness. First of all, I will not ask my father for fashion advice again. I was quite underdressed for the event and was already annoyed. The second most egregious act was the assumption that I felt like socializing. Yes. You guessed it, I did not feel like socializing with a bunch of pretentious, snobby people. Loved the ballet but the people not so much.

Aside from the wonderful dance performances I was just ready to leave. I don’t like these kinds of surprises. Here are the surprises that I do love:

  • “Surprise, we are going on a trip!”
  • Surprise, it’s your birthday celebration!”
  • Surprise, we are going on a trip!”

After insisting that we leave, we end up at a nice restaurant but then my Dad does something that annoys me even more. I do not like being micromanaged. Hence ordering a big ass steak, barely cooked is recipe for stomach upset and a stank attitude. I tried to be polite but I think my feelings showed. Welp!

Apparently, he has now joined the ranks of people who think they should tell me how to live my life. Because I am in my early 30s, I am supposed to just work in a job I hate, settle here and pop out a random baby. Great!

There is just one problem. I don’t want to settle here. I don’t want to live in this location. Given this, why would I waste time trying to date men here when I don’t even want to stay here. Does he really think that will keep me here?

Which brings me to the thing that I am afraid to admit to him. Here is my secret. The truth is being a wife and mother will never be enough for me. Yes, I said it. Being a wife and mother will NEVER be enough for me.

*Raise your pitchforks and let the witch hunt begin!

Yeah, I admit it… at least to whoever reads this shit. lol. So that is my dilemma. I don’t know how to tell him that if I had to choose between being married and having a long-lasting career and life filled with travel…I would choose the latter. I would choose option b every time.

I have changed. I am no longer the doormat that allows people to use me, hurt me and then stay in life. You get cut off bitch. Fake friends, toxic coworkers, bullshit boyfriends oh and even cruel family members. You get cut off bitch. I no longer want to allow someone else’s negativity to depress me. Trust me I can do that on my own! 

In the event that I were to marry someone who then insisted that I become his little plaything and housewife (no offense), I would be appalled. In the event that I married someone, found a wonderful job opportunity and he forced me to stay here I would be more than appalled. In fact, that would be a recipe for – divorce court.  

I am not one of those folks that thinks marriage lasts forever. Given my nature, I don’t think I should ever get married. But if I did, trust and believe there would an air tight prenup with clauses for cheating and other horrible offenses. I am not the one!

I realize that since I turned 30 my life has become an endless parade of sex and the city episodes (minus the tantalizing sex). Like how a former coworker assumed that since I was not dating anyone at the time I must be gay or secretly have scales all over my body (Bridget Jones reference). Lol.

Well former coworker, let me tell you something. I am not gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). You are just a fucking moron! Why don’t you get off your high horse and go “sit on a dick.” Maybe that will keep you occupied and out of my love life. 

I mean there are so many amazing things to experience in the world and you don’t have to be married to have an orgasm…just saying. So, what is the big deal? I guess having a vagina is my jail sentence. I will forever be categorized as either gay, a slut or just weird because I don’t want to be forced to do something at the wrong time. Why don’t people just shut the hell up and let me find someone on my own time, when I am in my own space and when I like where I live. That would be nice.

The more people push me the icier I get. I am talking Night King status. 

One thought on “Here is My Secret”

  1. I read your post today. I am feeling fed up with people that is why I am registered as animalsarebest because I feel that they are. People upset me. Sometimes I hate them. Thank you for allowing me to read your thoughts. It helps.

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