entry #1

So many thoughts always in my head. A lot has happened this year it feels like. I made a huge change in life by going back to school and choosing a new career path. That’s just one of a few things that have happened. The most important thing as of right now that is always on my mind is meeting Kyle. He was in the same school program as me. Timing is wrong. Why do we meet certain people at certain times in life when the timing is so bad? I’m in a 12 year relationship. But he makes me feel so special. There’s a difference I believe in someone making you feel special because you are you as opposed to the kind of person you are. Everything he tells me is about me as I am, not the kind of person I am. It’ all very personal. My current relationship partner has never made me feel that I’m the only one he cares to see in his eyes. Kyle does. He makes me feel like there is no other woman like me. I never knew what it was like to feel so special until he came along. Also, why does Life give me someone like this at this time?? I can’t leave a 12 year relationship for no reason. My boyfriend is a good person and he loves me and I love him. But Kyle makes me feel things I’ve never felt with anyone else ever. I can tell him anything and not be afraid of being criticised. To him, I am perfect. I am not perfect or have ever felt like I am in my boyfriend’s eyes. I know I have feelings for Kyle and I do know that if anything should ever change, I will want to be his if the timing is right. Love is such a tragedy sometimes. I do love him, though I barely admit that to myself and have never told him that. But I do. I want to be with him. But I can’t leave my current relationship. I do love my boyfriend and I feel like I just  can’t deny 12 years of sharing my life with this person. It’s all so complicated. The year is almost over and I feel like change is in the air, but will happen over a long period of time. What will the changes be though?? What will happen? I’m in a new career, my dog has passed away and my other dog is getting old. So many questions. If only I could see into the future. But even if I could, I’m not sure I’d want to look. 

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