Dreams that Fade

Dear Kitty,  I had dreamt a dream a few nights ago which has had me perplexed with curiosity. I had awaken to this dream the following day as if something was bugging me. I keep meeting this one guy who is someone I do not recognize. Every time I would meet this guy in my dreams, I would suddenly leave and vanish. It was like something in which I could not obtain. This person though was someone that i was familiar with. I do not know his identity. Every time i try to grasp him, he suddenly vanishes too. Its like….well i guess it doesn’t matter…I feel like the person we want to obtain the most is so far from our reach. Sometimes, its hard for us to understand this. 

School was so stressful for me today. I was totally freaking out about a test we had for an AP class. An AP is very stressful for me. It was an essay I had to write. 

Maybe I am such a stupid person. I feel dirty for it. To like two guys at the same time. They guy that I am currently dating but is too far away and that cute guy from school that I would see. Who should I choose? i know i should.t be doing this. I suck completely. i mean why can’t i just like my boyfriend? Am i not happy with him? Am I the one that is forcing myself to be with him…He is ssoooo far away from me….I don’t see him anymore like I used to…..I do miss him alot though….Sometimes i don’t want to say good bye. It is hard. But what about the guy from school. he is close to me…I am able to communicate with him face to face. 

My dream one day is to marry someone that will love me. That in the future i can get a decent job and be a professional doctor. But, does it always have to be about going the right path and choosing a career??? Some don’t want that…Life is sooo complicated. i am so complicated. this is not normal? Yes///Maybe it would be nice if i forgot about him forever…..(though I know it might hurt)……

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